Does everyone need human connections?

I was certain only a few days ago that all was good - maybe even better than good. My therapist suggested we meet less often as I seemed on the right track, happy, and stable. Plus, I reassured her that I would take my meds everyday as my pdoc said missing one day of the new anti-depressants would make me ill. (a good thing to know as i sometimes choose to "miss" a day here or there). Stupid me decides that since my relationship is non-existent I will see what options might be out there. I, in fact, have no desire to date, i have no time for it, no energy to make small talk over caesar salad, work to impress someone and hide the "real" me until i think they dig me. So why even look?

I do. I look and I meet someone over cyberspace. It will probably lead no further than the hour or so of chatting we shared. During that time I felt wonderful. I couldn't sleep and read well into the morning ( something that normally puts me to sleep once cinderella has lost the slipper). Why this need to feel a mutual connection with some other human - not friendship. I know how much i need that. What is it that I am so hellbent on not dating and then turn into a near giddy schoolgirl when i have the chance to flirt with what seemed to be an intelligent and humorous person? I want to believe that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, and yet I fear that I was taught that I need a man. My mom was always so miserable when she was not dating someone.

I was by myself for a number of years and it was one of the happiest times of my life. I hung out with my couple friends and felt great - no third wheel or loneliness to it. So why now? I actually am about to get over a major hurdle in my career (hurdle is perhaps the wrong word). This is it - the future i want doing what i love. Still, i cannot help but feel disappointed in myself. I want to feel like i am enough - always enough.